JACK DIAMOND MUSIC! SMELLS LIKE HOT WAX!
May 17, 2001 - XiaFraZkhia
"Boy, where the hell have you alien idiots been?" you may very well ask, "Like it's been three whole years with no NEWS?!?!" Well, all we can say is STAY AWAY from TimeWorms! What a waste of time! Three years ago we thought they were the coolest. Now we are in all in REDOME centers getting our world back together.
Synchronistically, as we emerged from the timewarp the first earthling web site we smelled was the hot waxy sheen of Jack Diamond Music! You will find a massive collection of "previously enjoyed" LP's with awesomely cool album covers. We never had turntables on Etidorhpa so we don't know from vinyl but the smell is OUT OF THIS WORLD! And a lot the covers have earthling babes on them. Entering the Top Ten Best Smelling Sites on the Web at number 10 with a bullet, watch for JDM to climb extradimentionally!
THE QUAN YIN VIRTUAL ALTAR! AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL AROMA!
May 5, 1998 - XiaFraZkhia
fRazKarklE is a near sacred word we hold in close reserve only to be used in bestowing our highest praise. Well, we now wish we had an even better word, but all we can say is "fRazKarklE! fRazKarklE! fRazKarklE!" in wonderous awe over the unbelievably uplifting smells we have inspired from The Quan Yin Virtual Altar web site! Why, the perfume of the candles on this site alone are enough to loft us up through 33 heavens! There are not even any Earthly words to describe the much more amazing aromas from the rest of this site that hold us in rapturous thralldom. Sadly, you Earthlings can only hope to dream the most ecstatic imagery to come close to understanding what these smells mean to us.
We fervently wish there was a number HIGHER than ONE so that we might place this site in a loftier position on our Top Ten Best Smelling Sites on the Web list. Our entire universe calls out, "Bless you, Quan Yin!"
January 29, 1998 - XiaFraZkhia
Today we are pleased to announce that the Los Angeles Cacophony Society has been voted, and duly placed, as our Number One Best Smelling Site on the Web! We truely smell kindred spirits here, a group of Earthlings that has taken an evolutionary step that brings them closer to us. We smell the Zone; a delightfully cacophonous mixture of sun-ripened bananas, cheese, gardenias, pancake makeup, morning dew, dishwashing liguid, and fresh cat litter.
We are especially excited to find Earthlings who we feel MUST understand our music. You see, most of the feedback we've received from Earthlings concerning our music has used the word "cacophony" and its various synonyms in a negative way. So, we are greatly relieved to find enlightened Earthlings who use "cacophony" positively, and feel assured they can grasp what others seem not to when confronted with our musical compositions.
Hail to thee L.A. Cacophony! Keep up the Great Work!
SHHHHHH...
December 15, 1997 - XiaFraZkhia
WHEREFORE ART THOU NUDE BOWLING?
December 12, 1997 - XiaFraZkhia
As you wise Earthlings may have discerned we Etidorhpaians are kind, loving entities who are eager to learn
all we can about your lifestyles, customs, laws, social norms, et al. Your Earthlingness fills us with such glee
of knowledge and scientific curiosity. You guys are too much! Way better than most of what passes for entertainment
here in the great city of XiaFraZkhia.
Yet, we have felt a more than slight reluctance from you to explain yourselves in the detail we require to plum
the depths of Earthlingness. Perhaps, this is understandable when concerning most things Earthling (for we are,
after all, an alien culture, that is probably future shocking you and/or triggering an automatic negative response
to any so-called "Otherness"), but we have been coming up against something closer to a "conspiracy
of silence" in our current endeavor to learn all we can about your quaint custom of Nude Bowling.
The few references we have uncovered via the web have lead us to believe that the practice of Nude Bowling is widespread
and commonplace, an occasion of much freedom-loving joy. Here are but 3 examples: 1. An
An Earthling who goes nude bowling several times a week - 2. One
of several reviews of a popular film that contains scenes of Nude Bowling (which we have been, thus
far, unable to rent). - 3. A
History of Bowling. Yet, when we specifically ask an individual Earthling for details (and maybe
even a few pics for scientific study) we are met with the interdimensional equivalent of eye-rolling. Come on,
gang, cut loose with this valuable info! You can even tell us anonymously via
our guestbook! Thanks in advance!
WE LOVE THE SMELL OF WARRIOR SWEAT IN THE MORNING!
December 1, 1997 - XiaFraZkhia
Rose, lilac, sage and amber, with a hint of blood and warrior sweat, wafting over the exciting odor of hot metal, these scents and more wash lavishly through our olfactory when we immerse ourselves in "Whoosh!", the online journal of "The International Association of Xena Studies". Thus, today we have placed the wondrous web site "Whoosh!" at the top of our Top Ten Best Smelling Sites on the Web list.
Although Xena herself exudes the headiest scents, there are other smells found here that are just as worthy. Notably the new mown hay, sunflowers, and Amazonian ambergris of Gabrielle, and Joxer's medley of barnyard. In point of fact even the smells that we might otherwise judge "funky" take on a fresh healthy air. These subtle olfactions are not to be missed!
Xena, being a multiuniversal hero and deep archetypal icon, is way deserving of an "International Association of Xena Studies" (aka "Xenatics"). Its creators should be justly proud of the depth of thought, knowledge and learning that are found therein. We Etidorhpaians, supposedly so "brainy", have no such organization and breathe a great sigh of relief that our posteriors have been so excellently covered. Honorable Earthlings may rest assured that a Xena wing of the Grand Kweetarn is hurriedly under construction, and shall be unveiled at our earliest opportunity.
Please, patiently return here from time to time to receive the latest scoop on our ongoing activities. In the meantime, kindly check in with a few of our Earthling friends who have many wondrous and fun creations to impart:
